What is an Algerian??

[Tamurt-nagh]

This is a conversation that I have held recently with an English speaking interlocutor. I was invited to diner by some friends from my work place. They warned me that, the people at the table are very witty and that they use sarcasm routinely. But, they were pretty sure that I will do fine.
We arrived at 19h30 as required by the invitation. We sat at a table near another table occupied by some politicians. We started to talk about life in general and countries in particular. I was telling a story that I have heard about Kangaroos. Apparently, and according to Peter Ustinov, the word Kangaroo means “I don’t Know”. The story behind it is: An English explorer went to Australia and saw this animal jumping around. And he asked their guide, who happened to be an Aborigine with his posh accent “Tell me, my good man! What is this creature?” The Aborigine looks at him and says in his language “Kangaroo” which means “I don’t know” and this how the word Kangaroo came to exist.
As soon as I finished the story, a gentle mannered man asked me where I was from. As we were laughing, I said “I don’t know” which provoked another round of laughter. I put my glass down and I said that I was a Berber from Algeria. He seemed to know more about Berbers than Algeria, his name was Peter Owen and the conversation went on in this manner.
Peter: (putting a glass a wine to his mouth) so you are a Nomad then?
Tamurt: I must be, because I am here.
Peter: Are you familiar with the blue man?
Tamurt: Not very! They live as far from you as they do from me.
Peter: Algeria is a big country then?
Tamurt: Very!
Peter: Bigger than our country?
Tamurt: Much bigger!
Peter: Who is your head of state?
Tamurt: A very small man! He is called Bouteflika.
Peter: A big country governed by a small man? How strange.
Tamurt: Algeria is land of contradictions.
Peter: What is your official language?
Tamurt: Any! As long as you cannot be understood.
Peter: (laughter) What a strange country!
Tamurt: You cannot be far from the truth.
Peter: How do you understand each other?
Tamurt: We don’t! We all speak at the same time. And nobody listens.
Peter: Do you have a religion?
Tamurt: me?
Peter: well…the whole country.
Tamurt: oh yes! They are all Muslims.
Peter: I guess, you are not because you are drinking wine.
Tamurt: I am! But today I am Christian.
Peter: I don’t understand!
Tamurt: I have two religions. And I am an atheist in middle of the week.
Peter: How can this be?
Tamurt: Two jobs! Two cars! No religious book forbids two religions.
Peter: Indeed! It’s very clever!
Tamurt: Thank you!

The waiter comes with another bottle of wine. He leaves it on the table. Another guest takes interest into the conversation. He is a friend of Peter. His name is Jeremy. My friends started to laugh, because Jeremy is obviously gay.

Jeremy: How long have you been in this country?
Tamurt: I will only speak in the presence of my solicitor.

Both laugh loudly

Jeremy: I am sorry! I was just curious.
Tamurt: Very bad habit!
Jeremy: I know! I am thinking of giving it up.
Tamurt: You shouldn’t! One will never learn anything or about anyone.
Jeremy: I overheard that you have two religions…is that true?
Tamurt: Absolutely! Every word of it!
Peter: But how do you manage them?
Tamurt: I don’t! They manage themselves!
Jeremy: Do you go to mosque?
Tamurt: Never! On Friday, I am a Christian.
Peter: And I suppose that you don’t go to the church either?
Tamurt: You suppose right!
Jeremy: Because on Sunday, you happen be Muslim.
Tamurt: That’s right!
Peter: How convenient!
Tamurt: Nothing to do with convenience. Just a happy hazard.
Jeremy: So how would you define an Algerian or a Ber…
Tamurt: Berber!
Jeremy: Thank you! A Berber?
Tamurt: An Algerian is someone who lives in Algeria. And a Berber is someone who can live everywhere.
Peter: I see! Do the Berbers have a religion?
Tamurt: Most of them do!
Jeremy: And what is their religion?
Tamurt: Islam!
Peter: And what do they think about you having two religions?
Tamurt: They don’t think!
Jeremy: Why is that?
Tamurt: Because thinking is not allowed in Islam.
Peter: Are you going to say that Muslims don’t think?
Tamurt: Not all! Just the Berbers.
Jeremy: What a curious people!
Tamurt: No! They are just as curious as you are.

Laughter

Jeremy: I meant, they are not like other Muslims.
Tamurt: No! Berbers believe without knowing in what they believe. They believe because they think it’s a necessity.

[DZmes Bond]

Tamurt-nagh, you really have a talent in writing, in English and in French.
I fully respect what you write even if I don't agree with some statements. I find you a bit weird though. Take care my friend.

[Tamurt-nagh]

Tamurt-nagh, you really have a talent in writing, in English and in French.
I fully respect what you write even if I don't agree with some statements. I find you a bit weird though. Take care my friend.

Lol!! Thanks James. I try to be as versatile as one can be! I love people who disagree with me...they usually make good friends. As for " weird", I am constantly on psychiatrist's chair and there is no sign of improvement yet James.

Thanks my friend.

[superilies]

hi
you have good english!but i have question:is it a true story?

[perplexe]

............

[BARDO]

You know you are ALGERIAN when........

That's my contribution and I love it!! How about you?

1.You can't stand upstraight. You have to lean against something, whether it be a car or a wall.

2.You're not REALLY Arab. Your ancestors are a mixture of: Turkish,
Berber, Spanish, German, French, Arab, and in certain circumstances black.

3.Your job in America is never a liquor store or a 7 eleven, but rather a
coffee shop, or a restaurant.

4.You think you can speak Arabic but no one that really speaks Arabic ever knows what the hell you're trying to say....

5.You distinguish how "Algerian" someone is by listening to their accents
and the best part of Algeria is always where you're from, even if its not the truth.

6.guys belly dance like women and women belly dance like crazy!

7.you don't listen to Rai Music until you move to a foreign country

8.As soon as someone leaves, you start talking about them. Good or bad..

9.You're conversations are always about someone…you can never mind your own business.

10.You're really hungry for a peek at your next door neighbour's tax returns.

11.Your refer to your dad's friends as 3amoo!

12.the guys only wear Adidas athletic wear

13.You hug and kiss relatives you have never seen before in your life.

14..you love to say the word, "AYWAH!"for men and "eyeh ya lala" 4 women

15.Mohammad is moh, and if theres two, you distinguish them as Mohammad lakbeer and mohammad alsgheer

16.you never call your friends unless it is for your interest.

17.your wife must cook three times a day and one plate of food is not considered a meal

18.You are always mistakened for being European, even if you're dark skinned.

19.helwa is candy, chaba is pretty, shadi is monkey, and rohe is go.

20.you love to hang out at coffee shops and just talk about passers by.

21.You last name is most likely to begin when a Ben followed by the weirdest word anyone's ever heard.

22.if you're a female, you name is most likely to end with an A.

23.if you're from the capital, you've probably never seen the Sahara Desert

24.you can speak two or more languages

25.Everyone thinks you eat couscous everyday

26.Elegant eating is eating with only two fingers…

27.Every Algerian knows every family in the entire nation of Algeria, and
some how you always know a specific story about them and almost all the
time it is a bad one

28.During a wedding, all the young single people are checking each other out

29.we have funny names like QWEDER, and AL EID

30.When Algerian women get together, they all compete in "Who has got the
loudest voice?"

31.Algerians have an exclusive swearing vocabulary ranging from mleqta, ke lajreb, to jahsha, tha3leb.

32.Food is the most important part of your day

33. You love the beach…

34.you are very outgoing and open to other cultures..

35..you cry when you watch The Battle of Algiers

36. couscous to algerians is not like rice to asians, that would be bread.

37. shawarma sandwiches are the new fashion

38. When it comes to Islam, it's either represent or die.

39. you have too much pride to take something for free.

40. old grandma's go to the masjid to find their sons wives.

41. school is not cool but you do well anyway.

42. You are judgemental about every ethnic group except for yours.

43. Your're probably the most hardheaded out of all other Arabs.

44. You respect your parents no matter what.

45. Your parents are most likely to be educated even if they don't have a professional job.

46. you can't accept the fact to let your wife work (the guys)

47. Algerian guys are mistakened for italians in many cases.

48. You've never seen a camel, unless it was outside of Algeria.

49. Qole (say) is pronounced Qole, gole, ole, depending where your from.

50. girls are taught to lower their voices.

51. Girls do all the house cleaning and boys do whatever's out of the house.

52. You even Algerianized the English language. i.e "rohe hateha in the kitchen" "movee al car" "tryeeya"

53. people always mistaken where you're from for Nigeria or Albania..

54. You can't live without visiting Algeria...and would die to go back...

[Tamurt-nagh]

Bardo...

1.You can't stand upstraight. You have to lean against something, whether it be a car or a wall.

2.You're not REALLY Arab. Your ancestors are a mixture of: Turkish,
Berber, Spanish, German, French, Arab, and in certain circumstances black.

3.Your job in America is never a liquor store or a 7 eleven, but rather a
coffee shop, or a restaurant.

4.You think you can speak Arabic but no one that really speaks Arabic ever knows what the hell you're trying to say....

5.You distinguish how "Algerian" someone is by listening to their accents
and the best part of Algeria is always where you're from, even if its not the truth.

I think that you are refering to people from Algiers BARDO! As far as I am concerned, I haven't got a drop a foreign blood in me. I am Kabyle even when I am asleep.

But certainly, the people of Algiers have all those qualities. They have more, but you don't have enough space. The most important one:

" Lying when it is not necessary."

[Tamurt-nagh]

Super- lies...

hi
you have good english!but i have question:is it a true story?

Thanks for the English. Every word of it and even more....

[Tiliwine]

HI tamurt
i don't like your virtual story
it makes me unconfortable regarding my religion and my "algerianility"
but i must say ,you write well

[The Shark]

1=1
and 1=3

It doesn't mean mathematics forbids thinkings, it's just about what's right and what's wrong.
If you don't understand mathematics, doesn't mean mathematicians are that strange.

[Gavroche]

Funny

Hi Mr Tamurt

thank you for this story !!
it's very funny

who is your teacher ?

who are you ,man ???

[BARDO]

I think that you are refering to people from Algiers BARDO! As far as I am concerned, I haven't got a drop a foreign blood in me. I am Kabyle even when I am asleep.

Hi Tamurt,

Why specially Algiers, as you mentioned? It could be anywhere in our Huge ALGERIA!! Apart from that, I never believed in the blood purity!!
Who is this Mr. Owen anyway? Wasn't he an actor?

[dianaain]

mmmmm !! d'accord !!!

je ne me suis jamais appliquée autant à lire un topic et les réactions de forumistes !! mais mes efforts restent toujours vains !! et la compréhension de cette langue puisse -t-elle etre avec les mots plus doux , relève du miracle !! mais vous le savez ,je crois aux miracles !!

[DZmes Bond]

@dianaain : Je vais écrire quelque chose que tu vas comprendre : "I am your miracle..."
Tamurt-nagh:

" Lying when it is not necessary."

... for Algiers fellows?
You're bad...

[Tamurt-nagh]

Hi Mr Tamurt

thank you for this story !!
it's very funny

who is your teacher ?

who are you ,man ???

Hi GAV...

Thanks body! Put it that way...I am not a United fan.

" You'll never walk alone" is looking at you kid!