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Dans un article publié fin mars par The Guardian, la journaliste britannique Mariella Frostrup a répondu à la question d'un lecteur (voir texte en anglais ci-dessous) qui était très frustré après que son ami lui avait révélé que son épouse était une "groupie" durant sa jeunesse et couchait avec de nombreux hommes des groupes de musique. Avant cette révélation, le lecteur vivait un mariage heureux avec son épouse, mais après la révélation, il ne fait plus confiance à son épouse et leur mariage est devenu plutôt "toxique" et miné par les disputes.
La journaliste Mariella Frostrup lui a conseillé de faire des efforts pour ignorer le passé de son épouse et d'accepter son épouse pour la femme qu'elle est maintenant (voir réponse en anglais ci-dessous). Mariella Frostrup lui a aussi conseillé de larguer son vilain ami qui lui avait fait cette révélation blessante!
- Question du lecteur: I am troubled by my wife’s sexual past. I recently found out through a mutual friend who knew her before I met her that my wife had been a “bit of a groupie” and had slept with several men in bands. We have pretty much told each other everything about our lives, and this part of my wife’s life has come as a shock to me, as I had no idea. I knew she liked to see bands play, but didn’t know she had slept with the musicians. A mutual friend joked that she probably spent more time in hotel rooms than in her own bedroom when she was younger. I don’t trust her any more, as this sounds to me like someone else, not my wife. It’s all true, by the way – she did confess to it, but played it down. We have had some bad arguments about it. This has soured what was otherwise a good marriage.
- Extrait de la réponse de Mariella Frostrup: To me this “friend” has something of the Shakespearean villain about him – he is clearly mindful of how a seed of doubt well sown can fester and flourish in the human mind. What possible reason could he have for his “revelations”, and why does he feel he can insult your wife without you resorting to Neanderthal protective impulses?
She’ll never be able to satisfactorily explain to you why she embraced a lifestyle you struggle to understand – and nor should she have to. The solution is not to judge or dwell on what preceded you but to accept your wife for the woman she is now, not the experiences that shaped her along the way. If you ditch anyone, I suggest it be your so-called “friend”.
La journaliste Mariella Frostrup lui a conseillé de faire des efforts pour ignorer le passé de son épouse et d'accepter son épouse pour la femme qu'elle est maintenant (voir réponse en anglais ci-dessous). Mariella Frostrup lui a aussi conseillé de larguer son vilain ami qui lui avait fait cette révélation blessante!
- Question du lecteur: I am troubled by my wife’s sexual past. I recently found out through a mutual friend who knew her before I met her that my wife had been a “bit of a groupie” and had slept with several men in bands. We have pretty much told each other everything about our lives, and this part of my wife’s life has come as a shock to me, as I had no idea. I knew she liked to see bands play, but didn’t know she had slept with the musicians. A mutual friend joked that she probably spent more time in hotel rooms than in her own bedroom when she was younger. I don’t trust her any more, as this sounds to me like someone else, not my wife. It’s all true, by the way – she did confess to it, but played it down. We have had some bad arguments about it. This has soured what was otherwise a good marriage.
- Extrait de la réponse de Mariella Frostrup: To me this “friend” has something of the Shakespearean villain about him – he is clearly mindful of how a seed of doubt well sown can fester and flourish in the human mind. What possible reason could he have for his “revelations”, and why does he feel he can insult your wife without you resorting to Neanderthal protective impulses?
She’ll never be able to satisfactorily explain to you why she embraced a lifestyle you struggle to understand – and nor should she have to. The solution is not to judge or dwell on what preceded you but to accept your wife for the woman she is now, not the experiences that shaped her along the way. If you ditch anyone, I suggest it be your so-called “friend”.
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